.

“
It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.

A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.
”

—

You’re Not Making The Most Of Your 20s, Ryan O’Connell

i'm not even 16 let alone 20 but this speaks to me in a spiritual level.
also sorry for the random moodboard
i'm feeling very hipster right now
mental note: make a new blog soon
maybe not
idk
click the pics to see the links

I'M BACK SORRY OMG

HI ugh I'm so sorry for abandoning this blog and you guys and stuff. I want to say that I'm busy I haven't got time to blog. well I am pretty busy I forgot I have a blog but most of the time I'm too lazy and during the times I've been idle on this blog:

• joined Postcrossing
• crafted nice handmade postcards
• also friendship bracelets although the production is running very slowly because my laptop is in front of me.
• finally own a cat!!
• finished How To Save A Life
• lend it to my friend who hasn't returned my copy of The Golden Compass ugh
• finished This Earth of Mankind 
• finished Sherlock
• had all these feels
• decided to make a new tumblr (the old ones been dead for ages)
• and haven't come out until now
• got addicted to johnlock
• and benedict cumberbatch
• don't judge me
• he's adorable
• um
• what else
• graduated middle school!!! I'm a valedictorian yay :DD
• busy writing my journal
• no quality writings at all
• not touching my guitar at all
• OH AND ROOKIE YEARBOOK ONE IS FINALLY AVAILABLE HERE BUT IM BROKE AND MY PARENTS WON'T BUY ME AND BESIDE THE SHELF THERES ALSO SHERLOCK CASE FILES (ALSO EXPENSIVE) TAYLOR SWIFT BIOGRAPHY AND WRECK THIS JOURNAL BY KERI SMITH AND I WANT TO BUY PRETTY LITTLE LIARS UGH SO MANY BOOKS SO LITTLE MONEY 
• AND THEN I FOUND OUT ROOKIE YEARBOOK TWO IS COMING OUT IN OCTOBER 
• hahaha FUUUUUU
• CK

basically this is a pointless attempt on making myself feel better I just found out that I have two followers sorry to disappoint u guys:(

more rants, pics, reviews, journal passages, and lots of love coming up soon!!!!

dini x

source: tumblr

days like this.

Sometimes I have no idea what to do today. that's normal, they say. Not for me, because I get anxious if I have nothing to do all day or just lay there with my laptop jumping from one blog to another. I have to make something out of this hours I spend in my room but if I don't I'll feel bad about myself what's wrong with me??

A few days ago I went to my friend's house and ended up sleeping over. She fed me up with anime and we didn't realized it was already dark outside. And I made her watch Orphan and Bunheads, so it was a tie. basically we were just slouching on her couch and talk. A lot. Very counterproductive, but am happy.

After I went home I caught cold and cancelled my trip to Bandung.

selfies4lyf

 Finally went to the bookstore!!! Trinkets is already available but only the hardcover. Like the cheapskate I am, I didn't bought the book. I bought this instead:

I heard from Goodreads it's good, so let's hope I'm not wrong. 

My mom bought me some yarns and I plan to make a neck warmer out of it (although I don't need a neck warmer damn you tropical weather)

Bye. x

craft day (and other stuffs)

(resisting the urge to put exclamation marks in the title because once you do, you'll never stop [!!!!!!!!!!!!]. [See what I mean?])

Anyway last week we went to a nearby craft bazaar to see some stuffs overloaded with awesomeness.

And I participated!!! I sell my handmade friendship bracelets and I made some money. I've never been prouder of myself. I also joined a scrapbooking workshop (I forgot to ask my mother to capture me gluing some stuffs) and I freaked out when I saw a container loaded with nice printed leftover papers and almost took all of it home (pics later). And the other crafters were really nice and make cooler stuffs than mine. 

links

DOLLSSSSSS AHH ME LUV DOLLS

this one is my favorite but I didn't get to buy it :(

One of the cool crafters I friended brought a mini guitar which is really cool. Not an ukulele, not yet a guitar. GEDDIT???? She's a huge fan of Beatles (you can tell from her stuffs) she even bought the song book, so we jammed All My Loving and Hey Jude together. Funnnnn.

my nails with  a 50-cent-probably-fake-and-toxic-ugly-green-nail-polish

the stuff I was doing. 

Stuff I bought:

ugh cutest thing ever

The plant's roots are wrapped in the round thing which is actually a moss tied with string. The method is called Kokedama. I want to be responsible of something during break (anything but my sister) and THIS STUFF IS COOL so I bought it. The best thing is I don't have to water my sansiviera every day so it's kinda like a cactus or something

And this is how I water them. While the moss is soaked, I can touch the icky wet stuffs with my finger. Or staring pointlessly at the damp clothes on the line. Or observing ants marching across the wall. Or leave it there for ten minutes to watch glee. This is why having a kokedama is more interesting than having an ordinary plant.

VINTAGE BROOCHEZ NUFF SAID. 

AND THESE FREEBIES FROM MY NICEST FRIENDS EVER THANKS BBZ 

And May the 4th be with you guys (not that I followed the rest of this misguided world and surrender my life to Star Wars fandom). Happy birthday to my dad, a huge fan of Star Wars. He doesn't know I have another blog. My dad is very strict about publicating his birthday, he even doesn't post his birth date on facebook. My aunt gave him a vintage May 1965 calendar which is really cool I wanted to share the picture of it here but he took my memory card. What are you an undercover spy or something

though he doesn't have to be Totally Spies' Jerry to be the coolest dad ever. 

dont tell him i said that

check the captions for linkz

TOTALLY RANDOM

guess what mum

I forget to copy the text so this is all I have. and ignore my weirdness this is what happens when i got a slightest touch of human interaction, even though it's online but still.

i checked out his blog and it's full of pics of people smoking weed and stuffs like that. WEIRD. i did send him an ask but he replied with short sentences and then I just leave it there.

i don't listen to Swedish House Mafia. Little did he know I have a magical machine called Google.

im on omegle, sometimes. if youre on omegle too we should make a tag or something.

the video is called Gangnam Hype and I really want to upload it but youtube on blogger seems to be error atm. Oh well. good evening (or morning or whatever time it is in your timezone) my nonexistent blog readers. 

sorry i haven't post a lot

but

EXAMS ARE OVER GUIZE

all source: Tumblr.

sorry not sorry for hyperventilating and gif abusing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

im finally qualified to use the phrase i'm done with middle school because I'M SO DONE WITH MIDDLE SCHOOL

it's not as bad as my final elementary years. no weird dramas, at least not that involves me. and even though I'm not very close with my classmates but sure as hell I'm gonna miss them. It'll be really weird to go to school everyday and not finding them sitting in their desks, doing what they're doing.

aaand now I'm rambling.

Am not worried about my grades, weirdly. maybe that's because I've been accepted to a high school. therefore i don't need my grades to get me in public schools. congratulations for MEE YEAHH

my last post was so creepy gosh

Now that schools out for 2 months (YUSHH) I have more time to write real quality posts guys you have my words.

AND TOMORROW IS CRAFT DAY IM EXICTEEDD AHH

Really not in the mood of studying. And have I ever been in that mood after all?

Anyway this morning I joined a group of kids--mostly from my class but there are some others--who were studying Science for the test and The Guy was among them. I invited myself and started studying and pretending not to see him. I started doing random things like staring at the distance or snatching problem sheets from my friends to distract myself. He looked at me and shouted "Ah, are you new here?"

Which is weird because it's been more than a month since I wear them and he sees me with it everyday because his class is beside mine. Or is it because my attitude? I'm always that quiet one who never speak because when I do all hell breaks loose. I'm very awkward and anxious, also people tend to ignore me when I call them (can't tell if they do it on purpose or I have that special talent where everyone couldn't hear me when I try to talk to them). It sucks to be me.

Ugh anyway I remember my first glasses (it was something like this. I wear them when I was 7th grade and lost it a year after it HAHA) and  that very same guy walked past me and called me a new girl. Even after two years I still blush and act awkward when I heard him. I still feel the same way about him.

I don't know how to act anymore, I don't know who I am. And he was so laid back and smart at the same time I couldn't calm down. I felt embarassed like who am I to feel this way towards him? He's too perfect, he's everyone's best friend, and people would literally laugh at me because I can't just 'be friends' with funny guys. I'd instantly develop a creepy crush on them and that's how lame I am. I feel really stupid and I guess I understand Ginny's feeling when Josh is around.

One big difference is this guy doesn't even like me. I barely can talk to him, let alone make a move. And he likes someone else. This girl that seems really nice and pretty and likes him too. Once they broke up, and probably they got back together. It hurts to see him laughing with her on lunch break, but I stared at him anyway. While I have my 'friends', whom I don't feel comfortable sharing this knowledge with, but the worst feeling in the world is when people around you act normal and talk to you as if you're fine too, but deep inside you know you're not.

To him, I'm just another person. And guess what; there are seven fucking billions of them in the world.