Tuesday 18 June 2013

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It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.

A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.

You’re Not Making The Most Of Your 20s, Ryan O’Connell

i'm not even 16 let alone 20 but this speaks to me in a spiritual level.
also sorry for the random moodboard
i'm feeling very hipster right now
mental note: make a new blog soon
maybe not
idk
click the pics to see the links

Saturday 15 June 2013

I'M BACK SORRY OMG

HI ugh I'm so sorry for abandoning this blog and you guys and stuff. I want to say that I'm busy I haven't got time to blog. well I am pretty busy I forgot I have a blog but most of the time I'm too lazy and during the times I've been idle on this blog:

  • joined Postcrossing
  • crafted nice handmade postcards
  • also friendship bracelets although the production is running very slowly because my laptop is in front of me.
  • finally own a cat!!
  • finished How To Save A Life
  • lend it to my friend who hasn't returned my copy of The Golden Compass ugh
  • finished This Earth of Mankind 
  • finished Sherlock
  • had all these feels
  • decided to make a new tumblr (the old ones been dead for ages)
  • and haven't come out until now
  • got addicted to johnlock
  • and benedict cumberbatch
  • don't judge me
  • he's adorable
  • um
  • what else
  • graduated middle school!!! I'm a valedictorian yay :DD
  • busy writing my journal
  • no quality writings at all
  • not touching my guitar at all
  • OH AND ROOKIE YEARBOOK ONE IS FINALLY AVAILABLE HERE BUT IM BROKE AND MY PARENTS WON'T BUY ME AND BESIDE THE SHELF THERES ALSO SHERLOCK CASE FILES (ALSO EXPENSIVE) TAYLOR SWIFT BIOGRAPHY AND WRECK THIS JOURNAL BY KERI SMITH AND I WANT TO BUY PRETTY LITTLE LIARS UGH SO MANY BOOKS SO LITTLE MONEY 
  • AND THEN I FOUND OUT ROOKIE YEARBOOK TWO IS COMING OUT IN OCTOBER 
  • hahaha FUUUUUU
  • CK
basically this is a pointless attempt on making myself feel better I just found out that I have two followers sorry to disappoint u guys:(

more rants, pics, reviews, journal passages, and lots of love coming up soon!!!!

dini x

source: tumblr