pandora

Really not in the mood of studying. And have I ever been in that mood after all?

Anyway this morning I joined a group of kids--mostly from my class but there are some others--who were studying Science for the test and The Guy was among them. I invited myself and started studying and pretending not to see him. I started doing random things like staring at the distance or snatching problem sheets from my friends to distract myself. He looked at me and shouted "Ah, are you new here?"

Which is weird because it's been more than a month since I wear them and he sees me with it everyday because his class is beside mine. Or is it because my attitude? I'm always that quiet one who never speak because when I do all hell breaks loose. I'm very awkward and anxious, also people tend to ignore me when I call them (can't tell if they do it on purpose or I have that special talent where everyone couldn't hear me when I try to talk to them). It sucks to be me.

Ugh anyway I remember my first glasses (it was something like this. I wear them when I was 7th grade and lost it a year after it HAHA) and  that very same guy walked past me and called me a new girl. Even after two years I still blush and act awkward when I heard him. I still feel the same way about him.

I don't know how to act anymore, I don't know who I am. And he was so laid back and smart at the same time I couldn't calm down. I felt embarassed like who am I to feel this way towards him? He's too perfect, he's everyone's best friend, and people would literally laugh at me because I can't just 'be friends' with funny guys. I'd instantly develop a creepy crush on them and that's how lame I am. I feel really stupid and I guess I understand Ginny's feeling when Josh is around.

One big difference is this guy doesn't even like me. I barely can talk to him, let alone make a move. And he likes someone else. This girl that seems really nice and pretty and likes him too. Once they broke up, and probably they got back together. It hurts to see him laughing with her on lunch break, but I stared at him anyway. While I have my 'friends', whom I don't feel comfortable sharing this knowledge with, but the worst feeling in the world is when people around you act normal and talk to you as if you're fine too, but deep inside you know you're not.

To him, I'm just another person. And guess what; there are seven fucking billions of them in the world.