Saturday, 17 August 2013

I go to seek The Great Perhaps.

"When adults say 'teenagers think they are invincible,' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never to be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they grow old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail."

-John Green, Looking for Alaska a.k.a. THE BOOK THAT MADE ME RETHINK MY WHOLE LIFE


idk I don't feel like adding dramatic gifs because those were not how I feel when I finished the book. I felt weird. Emotional, but not the post-The Fault in Our Stars emotional. Instead of breakdownfest I put down the book and quietly lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling. 

I totally feel Pudge at first when he was alone and ordinary, he wanted his life to MEAN SOMETHING, to figure out what The Great Perhaps really is. And yep he made the right decision, he met these great, impossibly-intelligent-typical John-Green-character-friends and had all these adventures with underaged drinking and cigarettes, sneaking out, awesomesauce pranks, had fun with his life and he eVEN GOT A GIRLFRIEND WOW GOOD JOB PUDGE

We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born and we cannot die. We teenagers matter... RIGHT???? Though I still feel like I don't count. I don't live a typical teenage movie life, I don't have a tribe of friends I hang out with and protect each other and such. All the time while I read the book I thought, would I ever get to live a life like that?  Would I ever mean something to someone, change the world, or would I be just another meaningless dot in this infinitely large painting of the universe?

It has a whole new meaning now since I'm starting a new school and stuff. I have complicated feelings about this and I'm always tired and I kinda need someone to talk to. I won't likely find The Great Perhaps here, but it's a long way to go and there is still hope for, ya know, a meaningful life.

The book is kinda like The Perks of Being a Wallflower, with starting a new school, cigarettes and drinking, and a pretty, quirky, smart girl whom the main character falls in love with. But all Charlie ever wanted was to live a normal, average teenage life while Pudge seek something greater than himself. 

Aaaanyway, happy independence day to Indonesia (indopendence!) we don't get holidays for that and there's not that much nationalism in me but yeah :] we had a ceremony earlier in the morning, it went pretty well. I've always adore the flag-raising squad, with their fancy badges and unison march. There's also the independence day games yesterday, I was in the sack race thingy and I did not won. It wasn't even that hard I'm just so fucking slow ugh

After that I hung out with my best friend today, we went to our middle school and hug the lovely counselor and Maths teacher, and also some of our friends yay. Going back and seeing the people and things from your old life is always nice. old life really its only been four fucking months and ur sayin no honestly it felt like ages

DW update: im starting season 3 now and judging from the season 2 finale and how i woke up in the next morning with swollen eyes im not sure i can finish this series

oh fuck its 3.30 in the morning gotta go bye

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

the color of the sky is great.

small things like these makes me happy :) i love my neighborhood. and my cat.

I'm in my cousin's house right now, my mum's side of family is gathering to celebrate Eid which is only 2 days away!!! But more on that later.
And have yall heard of the new Doctor announcement????
The internet is shitty here so I can't open Tumblr, sadly. Welcome to the franchise, Peter Capaldi! Honestly, I've never watched any of his work, but the long list of praise on his acting I've read assure me that things are going to be wonderful. I can't wait to see him as The Doctor! *struggling to finish the whole series in rush* im still stuck in season 2 u guys yes im just that lame

On another note....


It's way too late to make anything for the birthday (its July 31st). I still feel bad about it so yeah. 

the song that brings everyone together in parties, bonus some a+ dancing right there for u guise


Friday, 2 August 2013

i'll be strong, i'll be wrong, oh but life goes on.

Thank God I'm off school. It's starting to wear me out. If you see me now, you can't tell whether I'm doing a zombie cosplay or that I AM the zombie. (Both are true. Kinda.) And I'm rlly excited for Eid holiday and Eid food and Eid money!!!! Although a 10-days break is nothing to brag about compared to summer, but it's still something to celebrate because I'm very tired. And the fact that I still have loads of work to do is ugh.

Middle school and high school seems like a different alternate universe. The teachers, my parents, and people around me suddenly treat me differently. Like I'm older. Well yeah of course, but have you ever felt like you're the only one in this world who stays the same?

Nothing stays, not this world, not even my sister whose mood changes constantly every 5 second. My friends change. Even my condition changes, I've slipped from one life to another as easy as finishing one book then picking up another. A new adventure, as one says. The only thing that doesn't change is my state of mind. I'm not terrified of change, I could just move along, going with the flow or stuff. But still, everything seems weird to me. Like, a second ago I was there, how the fuck did I get here???

Although everyone expects me to act like a high school kid, to me I'll always be that 12 year old staring at everything, continuously fascinated. I'm always excited to do things but I can't do them the right way. I mess things up and then cry. And I overthink stuff all the time. So much to do, so little time! In 2 years I'd have to choose my college destination. I want to go on a student exchange program. Oh and, the group presentation is next week. Would I fuck shit up this time?

The future scares me. I don't want to have an ordinary life, going to college, graduate, work at a boring-ass office, marry a maybe even more boring guy, and have some kids. I want things to be different, I want to have something to remember, I want people to smile when they read the story of my life. But idk how and I'm really afraid of going to the wrong directions becoz there's no going back this time.

and i have no idea why the sky is there maybe im just feelin very sappy stuff idk

Basically, THIS. She speaks to me on a deep spiritual level, deeper than I have spoken to you above so click her. (Her vlogging style is just like John Green's but the fact that she's a 15 year old fangurl makes her much more relatable. If you're also a fangirl, then check THIS because adflskjfljk!!!)

Throwing out one of Taylor Swift's early shtuff just because.

Enjoy ur weekend or summer or random break or whatever :]
*rides unicorn to the sunset*