Sunday, 19 January 2014

one of those mundane people who is excited about life.

it's supposed to be The Crane Wife 3 sorry

I've gotten lots of positive, inspiring vibez this week. But it feels weird to stand in this position after a few months wrapped up in sudden bursts of emotions coming out of nowhere. Sometimes it feels like being alone in my room and someone suddenly turned the light off. I wanted to get up and switch it back on, but at the same time I don't care about the lights, living in the dark sounds plausible anyway. All that was left to do was grab a blanket and curl up in fetal position.

If past-me had read this post two months ago, she would only sulk and rolled her eyes at 'mundane people who gets excited on Life' (copied straight from my journal). Which pretty much explains all.

Yes anywaay, things that radiates much nice vibes this week:

1. I printed Arabelle's Survival zine (see the last three pic above) in a print shop after school. It's very precious and I almost cried reading it. Staying alive seems like a piece of cake for most people, but on some people it might be a milestone. And using your power not only for lifting yourself, but also other people who's going through the same thing is amazing (Arabelle also has a Survival tag for her tumblr posts, and I would totally recommend it if you're feeling down, or just looking for nice things).

2. I have a guy friend a.k.a. a  slightly antisocial platonic friend with XY chromosomes. I think it's safe to say so since we've already been chatting all day via Line and he's giving me life advices. He was my friend's friend and he's in the same major with me, Social (all my friends are from the Science major hahaa suxx). I totally resonate with him, as I was complaining about my friends ignoring me and he said that he went through the same thing. No one wants to sit with him in class, even the dudes. I've always thought that guys are more socially chill than girls, they always seem to get along easily. Wisdom words of the eternity: "Just chill. When they found out who you really are, they would notice. Show them that you're not what they think you are." Boys are like aliens to me, as I don't have many close male siblings / cousin, and I'm totally shy around them. Sometimes I'm too busy being my observant self, trying to figure out how they work, and the other times I'm already infuatuated once they act nice towards me. How very embarassing. So yes, I'm very proud of this achievement YAY ME.

3. It's raining all the time in Jakarta. Which could be a yay or a nay, depending on where you live, because my city is prone to floods. I spent the weekend watching the local news, and it was horrible. Although the flood last year was bigger and the main road was drowned, I think this one lasted a little longer. I live in a rather high part in the middle of the city so all is well, but a market road area near me drowned . NO there is nothing positive nor inspiring about the flood, but the thing is, I've always loved rain, I love walking home from school and feeling raindrops drizzling all over my hair and clothes. I love being cold, I complain a lot about living in a tropical country. I love having to wear jackets and sweater without sweating or dying of heatstroke. The sound of water clinking against the tiles on the roof sounds like a serenade to me. And because of the flood, this week I've only had three days of school. These things make me happy, but it's hard loving the weather without sounding like an asshole u feel me

4. I've (illegally) (oops) downloaded a random bunch of songs and album that I can think of, and compiled a nice playlist of songs that make me feel things. Have you ever want to cry bC MUSIC IS SO POWERFUL IT AFFECTS YOUR FEELINGS DEEPLY AND HOW A CERTAIN SONG COULD KICK YOU OUT OF BED AND FACE THE DAY BC MUSIC??? My heart still has plenty of spaces to love more music, so tell me some stuffs you would want me to cry over. See above for my most played, also Pure Heroine is perfection. Now I see my life as scenes from a coming-of-age movie with Lorde's songs as the soundtracks. All hail Lorde. Hallelujah.

5. All things end. High school, my negativity/depression/sadness/whatever it is isn't going to last forever. This moment of revelation kicked my face out of the sudden one day. I think it's always been there but I've always waved it off. I always try to appreciate things, but I end up getting too attached or taking it like it's going to be that way forever. That is why our lives as a teenager are sad, beautiful, tragic, wonderful, and other things rolled into one breathtaking rollercoaster ride. Those feelings had been there, and would always be there in our lives, but as teenagers sees everything like they are set in stone, the feels are way more intense. Dismissing all of the feelings and drift away into the void of non existentialism would totally not help, although taking it that way is easier than standing up and facing life. My best friend Vira used to wear a yin-yang necklace around her neck until the string broke and she gave up on fixing it, and it's now hanging in front of a mirror in her room. The perfect balance between gripping tight and freefalling is impossible to reach, but I will try. Or I probably experienced the epiphany out of milk tea drunkeness (if that's even a thing), and when I wake up I would get a hangover and forget the whole thing. We are young, right?

(Wait I've just figured out December's Rookie theme now???? I mean yeah the theme had hit home and I really loved it, but I don't really understand what it is until now. That was hella deep, seriously, props for the queening Rookie staffs for such wonderful theme.)

6. Regarding point #5, I decided I want to see more of this world beyond the jaded city I've lived in my whole life minus three years. I would like to join an exchange program. I'm going to continue this point in the next post because it's getting too long guys sorry I didn't mean to pull a Reichenbach.

(is that a thing? i'm going to dedicate my whole life to make it a thing until Rachel McAdams flies across the world to see me and tell me to stop trying to make Reichenbach happen.)

Anyhoo if you identify as a part of the crazy Sherlock fandom, you might like this crackfic, Flowers in a Box. It's been there since the very first Sherlock hiatus, and it may start like a bad fic with excessive crack, but it all makes sense in the end. Yes, it will troll you mad, and you will also laugh about this thing for ten hours. There's some tiny references to Doctor Who, Supernatural, and Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy. Dun dun dun. Seems like took it down, probably out of too much negative feedback (why though it's a genius piece of work can't you uncultured swines understand jokes), but you could still read it from a post on Interplosion, where a guy is doing Fan Fiction Fuckpile which is basically adding your comments along the way while you're reading a 'bad' fanfiction. The commentary is another form of entertainment, and it's somewhat funnier than the actual fanfiction.

Talking about Sherlock, I need to finish that series 3 review. I have a lot of thoughts on that matter, which makes it harder--as they say, my thoughts are avocados I can't fathom into guacamole. I really should stop reading fics and read actual books instead. Maybe you could be a sweetie drop a few recommendations, I have a lot to work on! It's going to be hard, judging from the state of my wallet.

Tomorrow is school again, and this is weird but I'm feeling excited for all the possibilities that could happen. They are endless. I kind of hope tomorrow sch0ol would be cancelled again, though. deep facepalm okay time to sleep 


  1. Those songs you chose are perfect <3 great post, followed you :)
    Tiana x

  2. Hi there, senior. I mean, senior Rookie reader! (and apparently you're also a senior to me, school-wise)
    I noticed one of your comments on a Rookie post, and I decided to go for a click to your blog, and wow, we live in the same country!
    It's nice to be crashing into your blog. Loved it. I will follow you. :)

    1. Aww hey! Lolol idk what makes me a senior to you, since I have the maturity of a thumbsucking toddler, but glad you loved my blog :3 i'm really happy to know fellow rookie/bloggers from indonesia too!

  3. I love Arabelles work and her tumblr and her survival zine and okay everything.....! Hope the positive feels continue for you, or if not you at least can work at just surviving :) Also nice writing, you seem very mature (I thought I was mature at 14, less so when I look back through my blog!)