Saturday, 17 August 2013

I go to seek The Great Perhaps.

"When adults say 'teenagers think they are invincible,' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never to be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they grow old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail."

-John Green, Looking for Alaska a.k.a. THE BOOK THAT MADE ME RETHINK MY WHOLE LIFE


idk I don't feel like adding dramatic gifs because those were not how I feel when I finished the book. I felt weird. Emotional, but not the post-The Fault in Our Stars emotional. Instead of breakdownfest I put down the book and quietly lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling. 

I totally feel Pudge at first when he was alone and ordinary, he wanted his life to MEAN SOMETHING, to figure out what The Great Perhaps really is. And yep he made the right decision, he met these great, impossibly-intelligent-typical John-Green-character-friends and had all these adventures with underaged drinking and cigarettes, sneaking out, awesomesauce pranks, had fun with his life and he eVEN GOT A GIRLFRIEND WOW GOOD JOB PUDGE

We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born and we cannot die. We teenagers matter... RIGHT???? Though I still feel like I don't count. I don't live a typical teenage movie life, I don't have a tribe of friends I hang out with and protect each other and such. All the time while I read the book I thought, would I ever get to live a life like that?  Would I ever mean something to someone, change the world, or would I be just another meaningless dot in this infinitely large painting of the universe?

It has a whole new meaning now since I'm starting a new school and stuff. I have complicated feelings about this and I'm always tired and I kinda need someone to talk to. I won't likely find The Great Perhaps here, but it's a long way to go and there is still hope for, ya know, a meaningful life.

The book is kinda like The Perks of Being a Wallflower, with starting a new school, cigarettes and drinking, and a pretty, quirky, smart girl whom the main character falls in love with. But all Charlie ever wanted was to live a normal, average teenage life while Pudge seek something greater than himself. 

Aaaanyway, happy independence day to Indonesia (indopendence!) we don't get holidays for that and there's not that much nationalism in me but yeah :] we had a ceremony earlier in the morning, it went pretty well. I've always adore the flag-raising squad, with their fancy badges and unison march. There's also the independence day games yesterday, I was in the sack race thingy and I did not won. It wasn't even that hard I'm just so fucking slow ugh

After that I hung out with my best friend today, we went to our middle school and hug the lovely counselor and Maths teacher, and also some of our friends yay. Going back and seeing the people and things from your old life is always nice. old life really its only been four fucking months and ur sayin no honestly it felt like ages

DW update: im starting season 3 now and judging from the season 2 finale and how i woke up in the next morning with swollen eyes im not sure i can finish this series

oh fuck its 3.30 in the morning gotta go bye


  1. I loved both Looking for Alaska and The Fault in Our Stars. Oh and congratulations on surviving the DW series 2 finale. I mean, I didn't like most of series 2, but the finale totally made up for it. I was sobbing so much. Wait until you get to series 4 though. You. WIll. Die.

    1. Yiss isn't John Green cool? What happened omgomg im on season 4 agasldfkjsdlfjkslfj asdflskjdf

    2. Spoilers ;) You should let me know when you've watched it though so we can freak out, haha.