firecrackers are cool, but crying is okay too i guess.

i really love this rookiemag pic also the story behind it. actually one of the few that made me stop and just look at the picture. 

Recently I've stumbled upon a blog that I used to stalk intensely. Much creep, I know. I think I stopped stalking it because it hadn't been active for quite a long time, and I was surprised to found it back in business. The writer said in one of the posts that she would try to write everyday, and I guess she did. The posts were not like very well-written film critique or deep shtuff on life. It was just simple things in her life she decided to put in words, I think. That's kinda beautiful.

That made me realize that I just need to write simple things on my mind and put aside drafts that has been there since forever because my lack of vocab smartassness, or people wouldn't be interested in it. I've got nothing to lose since not many people read this anyway so yeah whatever

And I don't really know this guy or anything, but I'm not really sure if I should share the link or not, since it doesn't have many viewers and probably she would like it to stay that way. 

Anyhoo, it's 2014 now. I wish people would stop pretend that they know what's going to happen within the next 365 days, with all the resolutions and wishes and stuff. It makes me feel like diving deeper into the ocean without knowing what kind of monster we have to face. The future scares me, and thinking about things that I have to achieve would end up with me creating the worst scenarios in my mind, and I could already feel myself failing those wonderful goals I've set in the future. 

Sometimes it's better to pretend like nothing has changed and go through life as usual. But I will try to write everyday. So when we're coming to another end (ROLLING EYES), I could see how far we've come and get all nostalgic about it. I like nostalgia, because sometimes the present and the future are too hard to cope, and looking back reminds me how I was when I first started. And then some shit went down. Shit turned out to be ultrashit. But it also brought me good things. Both of them had changed my life in some ways. The shit passed, and some good things stayed. Some ended, because that's just how it's supposed to be. I lost my nice middle school life to a shitty high school rollercoaster ride. I couldn't see my best friend everyday, the only thing that kept me going. I cried about it a little. Maybe a lot. Both ways, it's okay. 

Those ultrashits I've been through was hard. But I'm still here. And I guess sticking around makes me great and hardcore. If I could make it all the way through the shitships, I can make it through another day. Another year. Life. Anything. Maybe you could, too. Happy new year.

(SHERLOCK IN A FEW HOURS!!!!!!!! IM SO DED OMGOMGOMG)

(also follow my insta: @diniada yES IT'S KINDA TOO LATE TO GET IN THE HYPE DONT JUDGE)

talking about my feels and new year.

this are selfies of me not making a point in everything

Lately I've been having this weird feeling that something/everything is wrong. 

Every waking hour, this feels nibble into my skin and fill me with anxieties. And I still can't decide whether it's only in my head or it's a real deal. I don't even know what are they.

Cliche phrase, but time passes. Suddenly it's only 7 days away to school and I just I don't want all the school feelz. Loneliness, anxieties, and sleepless nights in bed regretting all the things I've done for the day and my awkwardness that makes people go away. I thought they would all go away once xmas break starts but I don't even know anymore. 

Sometimes I just want to cry or disappear. But most of the time I fight my feelings so hard it results in me not feeling anything. I become a freakish robot, all I do is sleep, wake up for food and reread some books until noon, go on Tumblr, or watch TV. 

To make it worse, only I could sense that something is wrong, while everyone seem to live peacefully, nothing bothers them as they laugh through life like ordinary people do. Which makes me hate people even more because they can't see what is wrong. Everything patronize me and even if I tell people about this they wouldn't understand how it feels like. It's like having a parasite hanging around on your back and only you can see them and you can't tell people because tHEY WOULD FREAK OUT.

I remember what life was like, before I faced The Great Perhaps, before the 2 months long well-deserved break ended and I lost all I've had. I used to have friends that I could easily see everyday, and we had the same amount of homeworks so it wasn't a reason not to hang out together. Everything was only within a five minutes walk distance. People still cared. No dramas. I didn't have to put myself out, feeling vulnerable and exposed, introducing myself and telling them things about me because my friends were like my friends and tell them something they don't know about me??????

Now everything is so perfect. My teachers are qualified, teaching like they supposed to. All my peers with their perfect lives far beyond worry and anxiety's reach, like the one I used to live back then. They seem so happy all the time, out of reach, and clearly I don't belong with them. I'm always alone in class and sometimes I would feel disconnected with people who hang out with me. It's not like they hang out with me, I'm just the new kid who tags along and gets ignored.

wow. so blog post. much angst. 

I'm suuuuure there are lots of things that I'm anxious about and I'd go over The Doctor's timeline trying to elaborate all of them. I don't even know why I'm posting this since this is a public space and posting private things would make yall uncomfortable and if someone knows me irl (i hope not) the guy would walk up to me and talk about this post which is gonna make me feel MORE UNCOMFORTABLE. But I just needed to get it out. So there.

I miss blogging, I really do. I have ran out of reasons trying to justify my seasonal blogging habit, but mostly I'm just lazy. Also, when things become more of an obligation I run away bc i'm c0ward. And I get a little sucked in on Tumblr, and the feels of mATT SMITH LEAVING DOCTOR WHOOOO and sherlock series 3 ONLY 3 DAYS AWAY???? But even if theres no fandom excitement I would still be procrastinating, wouldn't I?

New Year is only less than 30 hours away (at least here in the equator). I've only had NYE 15 times but I am already bored. Resolutions are utter bullshits because almost all new years resolutions are broken within a month NONE OF YOU TAKES IT SERIOUSLY ADMIT IT. Why are people getting excited over a calendar upgrade? Ordinary people gets easily excited ugh--and my feels are taking over again. Maybe it's more of the fact that I am spending mine in my great aunt's house and I can't be like fireworks party and movie marathon with my pretentious clique or anything fun and cliche. I don't have a clique. And I can't meet my only best friend since she's on the other side of the world right now. 

I don't believe a new year could change people. If I wake up tired and sad on the 31st, I would still do in 1st January because nothing would change so easily within 24 hours. I wish people could stop romanticizing new years and making cheap romcoms about it. But then I saw these Tumblr posts across my dash.

2013 was my character development year which means 2014 is strictly action and story progression and i dont know about you but i’m excited

2012 was the year of trying actively not to kill myself  

2013 was the year of survival  

2014 will be the year of move bitch get out the way i L I V E 

These feels are turning me into a cliche cynical teenager--not that I haven't been a cynic before. And it's pretty dumb if I start to believe that things could change after reading two three-liner Tumblr posts. But that's the power of Strangers on the Internet! And, as our dead old President Snow once said, hope is stronger than fear. One can only hope that things will get better. And probably I could end 2014 not being dead.

yeah my mood can change like that drastically in a single post it's making my post weirdly inconsistent. and actually i'm just looking for a moral support but saying it that way just sounds very vain. and since i'm not going here very often u could look me up in facebook: Dini Adanurani or in LINE: diniada. thank u for reading this bless yall happy christmas and new year u luvly internet peeple u

I go to seek The Great Perhaps.

"When adults say 'teenagers think they are invincible,' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never to be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they grow old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail."

-John Green, Looking for Alaska a.k.a. THE BOOK THAT MADE ME RETHINK MY WHOLE LIFE

BOOK SELFY IZ ALWAYS APPROPRO

idk I don't feel like adding dramatic gifs because those were not how I feel when I finished the book. I felt weird. Emotional, but not the post-The Fault in Our Stars emotional. Instead of breakdownfest I put down the book and quietly lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling. 

I totally feel Pudge at first when he was alone and ordinary, he wanted his life to MEAN SOMETHING, to figure out what The Great Perhaps really is. And yep he made the right decision, he met these great, impossibly-intelligent-typical John-Green-character-friends and had all these adventures with underaged drinking and cigarettes, sneaking out, awesomesauce pranks, had fun with his life and he eVEN GOT A GIRLFRIEND WOW GOOD JOB PUDGE

We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born and we cannot die. We teenagers matter... RIGHT???? Though I still feel like I don't count. I don't live a typical teenage movie life, I don't have a tribe of friends I hang out with and protect each other and such. All the time while I read the book I thought, would I ever get to live a life like that?  Would I ever mean something to someone, change the world, or would I be just another meaningless dot in this infinitely large painting of the universe?

It has a whole new meaning now since I'm starting a new school and stuff. I have complicated feelings about this and I'm always tired and I kinda need someone to talk to. I won't likely find The Great Perhaps here, but it's a long way to go and there is still hope for, ya know, a meaningful life.

The book is kinda like The Perks of Being a Wallflower, with starting a new school, cigarettes and drinking, and a pretty, quirky, smart girl whom the main character falls in love with. But all Charlie ever wanted was to live a normal, average teenage life while Pudge seek something greater than himself. 

Aaaanyway, happy independence day to Indonesia (indopendence!) we don't get holidays for that and there's not that much nationalism in me but yeah :] we had a ceremony earlier in the morning, it went pretty well. I've always adore the flag-raising squad, with their fancy badges and unison march. There's also the independence day games yesterday, I was in the sack race thingy and I did not won. It wasn't even that hard I'm just so fucking slow ugh

After that I hung out with my best friend today, we went to our middle school and hug the lovely counselor and Maths teacher, and also some of our friends yay. Going back and seeing the people and things from your old life is always nice. old life really its only been four fucking months and ur sayin no honestly it felt like ages

DW update: im starting season 3 now and judging from the season 2 finale and how i woke up in the next morning with swollen eyes im not sure i can finish this series

oh fuck its 3.30 in the morning gotta go bye

the color of the sky is great.

small things like these makes me happy :) i love my neighborhood. and my cat.

I'm in my cousin's house right now, my mum's side of family is gathering to celebrate Eid which is only 2 days away!!! But more on that later.
And have yall heard of the new Doctor announcement????
The internet is shitty here so I can't open Tumblr, sadly. Welcome to the franchise, Peter Capaldi! Honestly, I've never watched any of his work, but the long list of praise on his acting I've read assure me that things are going to be wonderful. I can't wait to see him as The Doctor! *struggling to finish the whole series in rush* im still stuck in season 2 u guys yes im just that lame

On another note....

HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY JO AND HARRY MA LOVELIES <3 <3

It's way too late to make anything for the birthday (its July 31st). I still feel bad about it so yeah. 

the song that brings everyone together in parties, bonus some a+ dancing right there for u guise

xoxo
Dini

i'll be strong, i'll be wrong, oh but life goes on.

Thank God I'm off school. It's starting to wear me out. If you see me now, you can't tell whether I'm doing a zombie cosplay or that I AM the zombie. (Both are true. Kinda.) And I'm rlly excited for Eid holiday and Eid food and Eid money!!!! Although a 10-days break is nothing to brag about compared to summer, but it's still something to celebrate because I'm very tired. And the fact that I still have loads of work to do is ugh.

Middle school and high school seems like a different alternate universe. The teachers, my parents, and people around me suddenly treat me differently. Like I'm older. Well yeah of course, but have you ever felt like you're the only one in this world who stays the same?

Nothing stays, not this world, not even my sister whose mood changes constantly every 5 second. My friends change. Even my condition changes, I've slipped from one life to another as easy as finishing one book then picking up another. A new adventure, as one says. The only thing that doesn't change is my state of mind. I'm not terrified of change, I could just move along, going with the flow or stuff. But still, everything seems weird to me. Like, a second ago I was there, how the fuck did I get here???

Although everyone expects me to act like a high school kid, to me I'll always be that 12 year old staring at everything, continuously fascinated. I'm always excited to do things but I can't do them the right way. I mess things up and then cry. And I overthink stuff all the time. So much to do, so little time! In 2 years I'd have to choose my college destination. I want to go on a student exchange program. Oh and, the group presentation is next week. Would I fuck shit up this time?

The future scares me. I don't want to have an ordinary life, going to college, graduate, work at a boring-ass office, marry a maybe even more boring guy, and have some kids. I want things to be different, I want to have something to remember, I want people to smile when they read the story of my life. But idk how and I'm really afraid of going to the wrong directions becoz there's no going back this time.

and i have no idea why the sky is there maybe im just feelin very sappy stuff idk


Basically, THIS. She speaks to me on a deep spiritual level, deeper than I have spoken to you above so click her. (Her vlogging style is just like John Green's but the fact that she's a 15 year old fangurl makes her much more relatable. If you're also a fangirl, then check THIS because adflskjfljk!!!)



Throwing out one of Taylor Swift's early shtuff just because.

Enjoy ur weekend or summer or random break or whatever :]
*rides unicorn to the sunset*

from the bottom of the pit right to the top.

im supposed to be doing my homework today but i hate my teacher and I miss blogging so muchhhhhh it hurtz (well at least i have a blog). School is already running for 3 weeks now. Everything went too fast and damn I desperately need long holidays even though I just got out from one. Just nO two and a half months are not enough because there are still so many things to do, and all I did was cram into my desk and going online for the rest of the summer. god im so jealous of u fellow awesome british bloggers who just started your holiday

Although my summer would be 10000000 times better if only there are thrift store around here h4h4h4

well I just got back from this leadership camp, a part of the student orientation program and I only liked the first day where we stayed at school. We slept in classes and we got to choose our roommates soooo I slept with the coolest people I've ever met in the last 3 weeks. I woke up at 4 AM and took a good cold shower. After that we just hung out around the class, talking until 6 AM and it's so much fun. I love school sleepovrs. The next day we take buses to the camping ground. The camp was pretty ugh. home is great.

I didn't take many pictures of my schoolground, sadly. But this is my favorite picture of the first floor hallways at sunrise. The sun shone so dramatically bright like in the movies. And on that moment, I swear I didn't want to be anywhere else but there, and there only.

so this is my friend, she's an otaku (a die hard anime/manga fans, to educate yourself :3) like my old middle school pal, so I think it's safe to say i'm pretty experienced on handling sudden otaku fangirling that happens pretty often. she's great. and late night we were doing a girl talk session under our sleeping bag and we happen to like the same person :]

She loves music, and she was the first person I met during the freshmen academic test. She's really nice too, and there are more cool people I didn't get to take their picture!!

Oh and my school. Now I take bus rides to school. I don't mind them, actually it's like a kind of mini adventure. I could watch people, write about them, and practice my deductions according to how they dress, how they act, or how they hold their phones. one thing I do too much on the summer is fangirl over sherlock so yeah The real struggle is after the rain and the streets are all slippery and wet and SPLASH YOU JUST STEPPED ON YOUR FIRST PUDDLE CONGRATULATIONS (true story haha)

Well this is a Catholic school and I am a Muslim. My mum wants me to go here because a) she went here, and b) the school's got a great rep, she and my dad wants better education for me so yeah. But I got here right when Ramadan starts and I'm going to be fasting for a month. Usually, most of my school friends are Muslim too, so I've got no problem since we're all in this together. But here everyone moves on with their life. They would be drinking from their bottle every 5 minutes like normal guys do. Plus I had to walk and take buses in this hot hot weather. But I'm doing fine! And I have every right to be happy because I'M DOING FINE!!! :DD

Things are going normal here, like normal school goes. The subjects are surely tougher than middle school, and it is so much stricter than public school. There are 2 majors: social studies and science, and I'm in the social studies. This is the first day we're divided into the majors, so we're in a different class than the first one and I HVE ONLY 1 FRIEND IN MY CLASS AND I DONT KNOW ANYONE ALL THE COOL GUISE WERE IN OTHER CLASSES I HATE IT ITS LIKE STARTING OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!1 but no matter where you are HOMEWORK STILL SUCKS AND ITS JUST SO FRIKKDJIGN MUCHHH I CANT GO ONLINE EVERYDAY LIKE I USED TO AND UGHHHHH

Some guys were there since primary school, and some other were from a different school, but still comes in large cackling pack of wolves. Everything they do feels natural, like they've been doing this for their whole life. Some new acquaintances (since I'm not sure we're friends already ha) of mine has been here since elementary school. I've been to three different elementary schools, and once moved into a new town and I had to start all over again, and then move back in 4 years. It was tiresome, but worth it. I can't imagine being stuck in one place your whole life, never moving. I wonder how it feels like, never having to get used to anything in your life.

A friend from my old school also goes here and she hates it. I didn't agree, nor did I second the statement, but I think we have no right thinking that way. Not yet. It's only been 2 weeks since we stepped in the building with our uniformed faux-leather Mary Janes. You can't judge a school based on your 2 weeks experience, not when you don't give it a shot.

I'm kinda concerned with her. But her problem is getting old. My jaded ole friend is in the same class with me now and she's just being her hating everything old self.



this song has been featured in like every TV ads ever but i'm still not tired of listening it. the acoustic version is just very heartwarming <3<3 and idk guys please give me music recommendation, my music taste is boring me.

Lurf,

Dini :)

you're never fully dressed without a smile. (and a nice haircut)

(warning: a bunch of narcisstic selfie of me in various haircuts on the way. Wear your sunglasses so your eyes don't get burned out of my awesomeness)

Life update: Guys I just got a new haircut. My rl friend would be like "isn't your hair short enough?" or "I would never do that to my hair omg b0yz lyk gurlz w lonG h4ir say wHut" lol i'm a wild child and i can't be tamed yo~ and also because my old haircut grows and it looked like crap so I just had to cut it haha but don't tell my rl friends

me and my knitted thingy I'm so very proud of :DD

Um um yeah so I'm pretty happy with my current hair

I've had 3 haircuts this year, and the last two were from a moment after my first haircut started to get crazy. I really like the hair though.

And this is me after graduation with the second haircut, one of the rare occassions when I wear eyeliners. This is my favorite selfie, and I like the bangs--they didn't go in a straight line unlike my present bangs. I think my hair kinda look like Lena Dunham here, no? haha k

In a completely unrelated note:

real edit by estherlune

sORRY I posted this late becoz yesterday I had school and stuff and everyday I came home really pooped. After having a whole 2 months to myself, it's really hard getting accustomed to normal civilian life like wow where did all my free time go???

Well yeah happy birthday and keep up your job acting brilliantly and ruining people's lives okay Ben ily

Anyway: I just found a perfect answer to the Liebster question "what would you do if you were invisible for a day" and I think it's the most accurate thing ever.

I guess that's all. It's 3 AM right now and I don't know what am I doing with my life. Now you know why this post sounded so drunk from the beginning.

Happy weekend guyz x